I knew it was wrong, I knew that I would be penalized but I kept doing it. Even when I wanted to stop, I didn't. Only because the sin gave me pleasure like nothing else; it gave me peace that I yearned for.

Although I knew that this ephemeral feeling wouldn't get me anywhere, I would revert back no matter how much far away I ran. That was why I resented myself. I resented being chained; that I had no control over my own will. I couldn't stop myself from committing sins repeatedly.

So, I labeled myself as a sinner who was somehow devoted to being sinful while despising it with passion at the same time. Just to let it out; what I felt deep within my blackened soul, I started writing.

I scribbled everything that I thought or felt throughout the days. Starting from one single line, the ink flowed out and delineated countless pages with the burden of my sins.

It turned out into a diary full of wrongdoings and eventually, became the diary of a sinner.

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About the Author

Ateefah Sana Ur Rab Author

Ateefah Sana Ur Rab is a poet and writer. Her poem, 'Destination' was first published in the February 2016 Issue of Radiance Magazine. She has completed two courses 'Writing for Young Readers' and 'Sharpened Visions: Poetry Workshop' from the well-known platform for online courses namely Coursera. She participated in The Stories Untold Competition -- Season 1 held in June 2016 by Daastan and in the Poetry Competition 2017 held by US - Magazine for the youth, The News International. In August 2016, Ateefah Sana Ur Rab published her very first poetry book, 'Diary of Fervent Verses' on MeraQissa; a self-publishing platform by Daastan and in January 2017, she published her short story 'The Diary of a Sinner' on the same platform. Another short story of hers, 'Perfect Imperfections' is available on Amazon. Many of her articles and poems have been published on When I Write; a platform for writers. Most of her poems reflect social issues and problems faced by individuals as well as they bring to light; the bitter truths and harsh realities. She believes that words can make changes that no weapons will ever be able to and thus, her aim is to spread awareness and wake up the hibernating consciences of her fellow beings. She has worked as an essayist for The Scribbled Kite; a literary magazine of Pakistan under their Fellowship Program and is currently working on her novels, 'The Last Thirty Seconds' and 'Raah-e-Gumshudah'.

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