D w e l l s

by

Fatima Ahmed

 

Daastan PVT LTD 

House # A-41, Madni Street, Lala Rukh, Wah Cantt, Punjab 47040 

www.daastan.com 

www.meraqissa.com 

 

Text copyright © Fatima Ahmed

Book cover copyright © Masooma Mohsin Subhani

 

The moral rights of the writer and illustrator have been asserted 

All rights reserved 

This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or distributed in any manner  whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher, except for the use of  brief quotations in a book review. 

ISBN (Print) 978-969-696-584-1

ISBN (Digital) 978-969-696-584-8

Printed and bound in Pakistan by Pixel Printing Solutions

Editor:

Maliha Zafar

Format:

Maliha Zafar

 

Dedicated to my lovely family:
Mama, Baba, Aalimah and Aashir. 

And all my friends who have supported me since
day one: Azbha, Khadija, Maryam, Mehrunnisa,
Firdat, Aqsa, Hifza, Aliza, Zarish and Dr. Iqra.

My best ever English teacher: Sir Aziz

Also to the most beautiful human beings
I lost this year, Shajjo Khala, Nana abbu, Maliha and
my high school principal Professor Abu Bakr.

I am forever grateful to you all.
I don’t know what I did that I was Blessed
by your presence in life.

Alhamdulillah.

 

* * * *

“This world won't ever be mine to know but within I have known a world so sure”

－Fatima Ahmed

 

Chapter One

Desire  

Somewhere between wishing and wanting

Something best went through me 

To an abandoned road

Waiting for me 

To dwell upon

Teaching me the value of what can be gained

If you wait enough

If you care enough

If you feel enough 

If you smile enough

* * *

 

On the edge of the riverbank 

Amidst all the familiar chaos

I waited for that one bluebell

To dance in lavender again

* * *

Depth and ocean

Death and love

To each other

They whispered, “Come home”

 

Warriors Don’t Bleed

 

Bloodied sword 

Is just scarlet 

Wearing silver

Doesn’t necessarily mean

Victory or surrender

Just a form of pride

For the holder to remember 

A single stroke at heart

Enough to let you murmur

Let your scar strive

To become your medal

You can whine later

Or you can shine later

* * *

 

And I perished the winter storm

But she was as white as the snow

More alive than the moon

That passed by 

Without a sin

As quiet as the wind

 

* * *

 

My only sin was to think of her

Like the summer in the wild 

Serpentine was her every move

Flames she left behind

A thought she gave time to

Was never about her and me

She must’ve been counting the burns

For my only sin was to think of her

 

* * * 

 

Before the sun sets down

I want to hold this hand

Before the sun sets down

Never to rise again

Before the sun sets down

I wish to drown in those eyes

That were lively, now shut, no more bright

“Please understand”

 I said and shed my tears

“Don't let go of my hand”

That was the only fear

* * *

The blood would bleed red like love

On the lips, you once bit in passion

The scent of the dead rose

Would embrace the neck

You held once in anger

* * *

Hold me closer

Than the morning holds night

On the edge of your desire

I burn bright 

The flame is pain 

Who sees this 

As the fire in my eyes

You are a spark 

That helps me ignite

Let every word of yours

Be a story, untold

I want to forget myself

Through your fiery love

* * *

 

Stone Blind 

 

Topaz beauty due to sands of time

I fell deep recalling emerald truth 

The touch, forbidden

Eyes opened, was an amethyst dream

It all kept coming back to me

In diamond illusions

Unexplained feelings that the heart forgot

Are mere coal now

Drowning in aquamarine

I am alive and soaring

Ruby truth, pearl lies

Are all the feelings, I hide

Perhaps a garnet with nothing much to garner…

* * *

 

I had to hold on to the last hope

’cause a promise was made

Before the passion could fade

That there was always a tomorrow, untold 

 

* * *

 

The light of hope first whispered then screamed

“The night is dark for those who don’t dream”

 

* * *

 

A matter of few heartbeats

When the sky felt out of reach

But now I believe

There is more to me 

Than the me who was

 

* * *

Nomad 

 

I have never spoken to time

How dare I measure life?

Day and night 

My first and last love

On the unknown sand

I build and leave homes

The sky my roof

The sea my beloved 

I wander to let go 

I wander to get lost 

In love, in time, in life 

* * *

An Open Book 

 

What do I do with the pages of my journal?

Where I was caught committing sins with your beauty

My mind knows nowhere to go 

So it visits you like a story

As I pen down a word 

Covering it up with another 

They know by now I am gone

Lost somewhere in you 

My sins are scared of what would happen next 

For at that time I am but someone else...         

  ~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Chapter Two

Wonder

The scent of 

The last autumn 

Is the first love of this clementine

Young, pure, pristine 

Every inch made out of 

Pain then passion

As difficult as fire

Yet as easy 

As the sunset 

* * *

Why didn’t they see?

Of what is meant by me

I am, though not

A sea within a sea

 

* * *

 

At the hour of losing 

Constellations to stars

I saw my dreams

Running away from me

My conscience that could have 

Lit up the world

Scared my love

My dreams away

Then nothing much happened but

My mind got scary

My heart got scarier

 

* * *

 

Every twinkle didn’t speak much

Just a star spilling its secret

Subtle self of my inner weakness

Could outshine the cold-hearted night

 

* * *

 

Little known

More told

Of who I am

 

* * *

 

We witnessed the same

Of what was and is

Then why the moon

Doesn’t speak to me?

 

* * *

If enough is enough

Then what’s the purpose of more than enough?

Old insanity, new peace

Then what’s the purpose of madness in love?

Across the worlds, unknown

Then what’s the purpose of a traveller?

Who set off to sell his soul

To every other ocean, to every other land

Visions and wishes… a journey perhaps

Then what’s the purpose of luck?

Reach out to give in

Then what’s the purpose of love?

* * *

There was always 

A silence 

Out in the loud

Where the lies

Met truths

For supper

* * *

 

In the end, they were all just people

No friend or foe or lover

Some who are still beloved, yet

In the end, they were all just people...  

* * *

Fires spoke 

About the flames

Less was talk

More complaints 

They too got

Burnt by pain

 

* * *

My dear Gulmohar,

Are you tired of pleasing the eyes of my lover?

You taught me to love in a world under covers

How could I let you die before my lover?

My dear Gulmohar,

Are you tired of being a thing for my lover?

You taught me desire in a world of suffer

How could I let you cry before my lover?

My dear Gulmohar,

I owe to you more than my lover

Your beauty in itself is beyond my lover

I fell for you first, then my lover

The truth is you are my heart, Gulmohar

* * *

Tracing edges of a flower

Trying to find the unreal

I am planning to escape reality

Cause fantasies don’t hurt 

Stepping into something

Never seen, felt or heard

Still the feeling of fireflies in me

Lights me up

The beauty of future

Is what can't be known

So I’ll trace the edges of a flower again

To be gone, to be gone...

* * *

My Dear Heart

Do you cry when the sun is gone?

Or is it the moonlight torn apart?

On a distant land 

Where the dreams fall asleep

I can see you speaking to the stars

* * *

It felt like

No one remembered life here

And for a moment

I forgot it too