The Story Within

The Story Within

Chapter # 1

Concept & Illustrations by

Rumaisa Ahmed

Acknowledgements

This story has been inspired by the real-life experience of a wonderful person we interviewed during our research for The Stories Within- a national-level research undertaken by the Sub Rang Society (SRS) and is dedicated to our community members and every soul that has faced violence simply because they exist and choose to be honest about themselves.

I would like to thank MJ for her vote of confidence and my art instructor, Bilal Rajput, G1, Naina, and Benito for their feedback.

A special mention goes to my chosen family that has always pushed me to pursue my dreams and speak my truth.

Shiz, Shaheer, Bia, Heer, Maha, Amy,

Kami, and Dua - Thank You for Existing!

Urdu Vocabulary

> Dadi = Paternal Grandmother

> Aapi = Elder Sister

> Ustani = Female Teacher

> Amma = Mother

> Abba = Father

  > ‘Loh’ = Loh-e-Qurani are    mysterious alphabets revealed

as part of the divine revelation (Quran) that are acclaimed to be

 very powerful albeit their

meanings

 remain unknown

I wasn't born per my creator's will,

I was birthed to become a son

was a body, not a soul

I was a boy, not a human

Colors have genders

Toys have genders

Life has its own conditions

And when my body and soul

challenged their beliefs,

I suffered only pain

Not comfort

Not love

Only pain

The black mark on my forehead is deliberate- to protect me from the evil eye because they thought I was born perfect- innocent - complete. That I was worth protecting.

I love spending time with Dadi, helping her prepare vegetables.

My favorite past time was peeling peas and listening to her

majestic stories of princesses and knights and magic.

Whenever Dadi would find a caterpillar in the peas,

she'd repeat the same story

where the caterpillar transforms

 into a beautiful butterfly.

I too wanted to be beautiful.

Aapi has a doll,

and a big doll house.

My toys don't make me happy. I get jealous and sad.

She also wears lip shades

and mascara. If Aapi is so pretty,

 why am I so ugly? Was I born defected?

Aapi doesn't let me play

with her dolls and nobody cares

 that I am sad and sitting quietly.

Would they notice if

I take just one toy?

I hid my most favorite doll

in my school bag but that

 cruel Ustani broke it

in front of everyone.

My Ustani had colorful hair.

Once I found the courage

to share my feelings

and ask her how can I look

as pretty as her.

She got so furious that day,

She asked me to leave her class

and stand outside in the Sun

for the whole day.

Everything changes, everybody is allowed to be who they are except for me

When Aapi’s hair grows, she braids it with beautiful ribbons

But I am supposed to cut mine short!

I miss my school even though my teacher was very mean. She hated me! My classroom was a rigid square box with everything measured